Doomsday Aardvark

Concerning Teaching and Teachers

There are, in this world, some very good teachers. Those who teach not because they are paid to do so, but because they feel that they must. They believe in the ability of the students, and wish to empart something of value in the short time available. They teach because they love to teach, and try hard to bring their students up to be the very best that they possibly can.

There is a certain magic to being in one of their classes. These are those teachers who, despite possibly boring or difficult material, somehow seem to make students come back for more. We all have had teachers like this, perhaps in college, perhaps in high school, or perhaps even before. Perhaps this wasn't even a teacher in school. Maybe it was a music teacher, or a coach, or a martial arts instructor. Whatever the case, we have all been touched by some of this magic. And to these people I say, "Thank you"

And then there are others. We've all had a few of these as well. And, naturally enough, this being a DARR, they are going to be my subject matter. No magic here, unless you believe in pure evil as magic. These are those people who do NOT make the students want to come back. Good teachers encourage the students to learn, bad ones make them come back for fear of missing a pop quiz.

Of course, they aren't actually evil. We all know that. Except for one certain high school english teacher, who actually was Satan, but that is the exception. No, most bad teachers are actually very good people, which is what makes it so hard to say bad things about them. Most often, these complaints come down to personality conflicts. Which is to say, that I *have* a personality, and they do not. What we are talking about here is a number of things, really. I won't get into most of it, mainly because, well, I try to keep these things funny.

So we'll talk about this. What is perhaps most amazing about these teachers is how much hatred they can inspire. It is almost frightening how creative students can become when they hate the teacher. Homocide, though rare in fact, is quite often planned. And not just homocide, but plans that range from the just plain brutal to the truly surreal.

Ideas go from very simple: "I know, I'll dynomite his car". to very complex:

Phase I: Apply a small dose of a hallucinigenic substance to my paper when I turn it in, with any luck, this will cause the bastard to get arrested. Phase II: While he's in jail, I will sneak into his house, and fill every available container with herring. Phase III: While there, I will also nail all of his furniture to the ceiling, as well as move all of the lighting fixtures to the floor. Phase IV: Flood some room upstairs with water, place one live piranha in the room. Phase V: Apply heavy coating of super glue to the front door knob while leaving. Phase VI: Rig up a set of neon signs to say " Welcome home, dirtbag" as soon as the door opens. Phase VII: Place a trained attack platypus in the passenger compartment of his car. Phase VIII: Return to his house and change the color of the paint, as well as the house number. Phase IX: Wait. Phase X: Laugh.

Naturally enough, all of this is a reaction to a certain professor that I have this semester. Not that I condone any of this behavior, mind you, but sometimes it's a good idea to just let some of this out. Thanks for reading.

This is the DoomsDayAardvark, signing off.